Red Flags

DAP First Call

612.874.7063 | 10AM-4PM Monday-Friday


The following is a list of warning signs for potentially abusive relationships.  They are presented as guidelines and cues to pay attention to, not as a judgment on the worth of the other person.

Question relationships with partners who:

  • abuse alcohol or other drugs
  • have a history of trouble with the law, get into fights, or break and destroy property
  • don’t work or go to school
  • abuse siblings, other family members, children or pets
  • put people down, including your family and friends, or call them names excessively
  • are always angry at someone or something
  • try to isolate you and control who you see or where you go
  • nag you or force you to be sexual when you don’t want to
  • cheat on you or have lots of partners
  • are physically rough with you (push, pull, yank, squeeze, restrain)
  • take your money or take advantage of you in other ways
  • accuse you of flirting or coming on to others, or accuse you of cheating on them
  • don’t listen to you or show interest in your opinions or feelings
  • things always have to be done their way
  • ignore you, give you the silent treatment, or hang up on you
  • lie to you, don’t show up for dates, maybe even disappear for days
  • check out or make lewd comments about others in your presence
  • blame all arguments and problems on you
  • tell you how to dress or act
  • threaten suicide if you break up with them
  • experience extreme mood swings…tell you you’re the greatest one minute and rip you apart the next
  • tell you to shut up or tell you you’re dumb, stupid, fat, or call you some other name (directly or indirectly)
  • compare you to former partners or excessively bad mouth former partners

Some other cues that might indicate an abusive relationship might include:

  • you feel afraid to break up with them
  • you feel tied down, feel like you have to check-in
  • you feel afraid to make decisions or bring up certain subjects so that the other person won’t get mad
  • you tell yourself that if you just try harder and love your partner enough that everything will be just fine
  • you find yourself crying a lot, being depressed or unhappy
  • you find yourself worrying and obsessing about how to please your partner and keep them happy
  • you find the physical and emotional abuse getting worse over time